Touched by cancer. From left, Relay for Life ‘Sky Walkers’ team member and carer Maria Ryan, Casey Liferelay team member Maria Ryan’s family life changed never to be the same again after the word cancer came into her home. Maria told more than 50 people at the launch of the Casey Cardinia Relay for Life 2007 event that she wanted to share her feelings to encourage others to support the Cancer Council fundraising event.
Maria found the strength to address the meeting that could lead to others being spared the suffering her family endured, and the fear of what could happen.
She stirred the emotions of her audience and left people deep in thought.
“From the moment we heard the word cancer, the lives of my husband and I, and our four and eightyearold sons, Patrick and Jack, would never be the same.”
Maria is a member of the Sky Walkers relay team, and works to help raise money for cancer research.
“While I have never been diagnosed with cancer, I am here tonight representing what I believe is another side of cancer survival.
“In 2003, two family members were diagnosed with cancer – my father with prostate and my husband with gastro oesophageal cancer – both hitting us all hard.
“I will never forget the painful discussion with our eldest son when he asked me straight out if Dad could die.”
Maria was faced with having to use the words she most feared because her husband’s cancer averaged a 12month survival rate of 5 per cent, and her son had already seen an eightyearold boy at his school lose the fight.
For Maria, lying to her son was not an option.
“Within days of my husband’s diagnosis we had seen surgeons and had advice.
“We were lucky enough to find the best doctors.”
Maria believed finding a surgeon who used a treatment based on the latest research saved her husband Sean’s life.
Doctors, family and friends spent 2004 helping Sean with his battle to beat the cancer, and saw him endure the most horrendous of treatments.
Maria became Sean’s carer, in addition to her work and family duties, and helping her sons cope with the dread of what could happen.
“Watching this man I dearly love face the ravages of chemotherapy for almost a year, plus seeing him endure major surgery, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
“However, we didn’t do it alone and could not imagine facing this on our own.
“Family relationships and friendships were strengthened beyond what I could ever have imagined.
“When you have to look after someone with cancer, and try to maintain as normal a life as possible for our children – doing sports and outings, school and kinder, as well as work fulltime – you cannot do it alone.
“We had so much help.
Maria said Sean’s sister made sure he would get up and walk, even for a few steps, and would take him for chemotherapy when he could no longer drive.
Food would arrive from neighbours when Sean couldn’t cope with the kitchen odours of family cooking.
“My 21yearold nephew drove my boys to school and creche.
“And my beloved inner sanctum of friends were always there for me, so I could safely cry and bear my soul without fear of judgement or them needing to solve anything for me.
“They just let me get it out so we could put on a smile and face the next challenge.”
Maria went with her sister to the Melbourne Cricket Ground on Friday, 6 May 2005 to take part in the Field of Women, when 11,500 people donned pink ponchos to form the Breast Cancer Network of Australia logo of a pink woman.
She said the evening was filled with laughter and excitement, and she felt part of something very special.
“Women who had beaten cancer were there standing proud for their own reasons to say to themselves and others I’ve beaten this and we can help others do it.
“Like everyone else, I went for my own reasons. I wanted to say our family beat cancer, too.
“It affected us all, but Sean in the worst way, and if we could help raise money for this cancer maybe it could help with other cancer treatments.
“Two things happened to me that night.
“First, I found we are not alone, and while you hear of 85,000 people being diagnosed each year, standing among 11,500 brought home how many are involved in their own fight on a daytoday basis.
“Second, where could someone like Sean go to stand up and say I beat this? Where do those with other cancers get the same chance?”
Maria said she found out about Relay for Life while researching Daffodil Day.
“I found that it celebrated survivors and carers and remembered those whose fight had ended. So, this year Sean, Dad and my brotherinlaw – all cancer survivors, from the one family – walked in the survivors’ lap wearing red sashes, and alongside their carers wearing green sashes.
“In our case it was Patrick and Jack, and me, walking with Sean.”
“Sean said it was a strange feeling being applauded by strangers, and probably for the first time allowed him to see that what he had done was special and should be recognised.
“Our first experience last year with Relay for Life was very special, and the Friday night created an environment for some family members, who had not spoken for years, to come together to be part of our team and to fight cancer.
“My husband’s belief that he would beat his cancer has been unwavering, even in the darkest hours of pain. If he gets sick now he never even considers that he might not be like anyone else.
“A cold is a cold, gastro is gastro.
“This is no mean feat when you face continual tests to check the disease might return.
“He is an inspiration to all around him.”
Maria said she wanted to share something from his favourite movie, which they saw 10 days before his surgery.
“I believe it defines a carer’s role in the fight against this disease in all its forms.
“It was in the darkest moments for two characters from Lord of the Rings. Frodo is carrying the ring to its destruction, but weak and sick and feeling he could not go on and make it to the end.
“Sam, also exhausted, picks him up and says ‘I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you’.”
